15 Weeks and Counting

I went to the obstetrician’s office this week. Everything seems to be going well. The true test will be in a few weeks when I have my level 2 ultrasound. We will find out the sex of the baby, but more importantly, I will find out how the baby is developing. It will show if there is potential for some birth defects and let us know about internal organs and brain development. I am a little nervous about this one.

The doctor put me on a daily baby aspirin to prevent preeclampsia. I do not have high blood pressure; it is actually pretty low. At 20 weeks, some women have a random increase in blood pressure and Type 1 Diabetes makes me more susceptible to this risk.

I made it past the first trimester. Most people say that I am in the clear. I don’t feel that way. Now, there is another long list of things that could go wrong. I try to maintain a positive outlook. I am doing everything beyond the best of my ability. I surprise myself how disciplined I have become. The emotional toll is difficult and often I feel alone. I have always felt pretty lonely. I think most diabetics feel the same way. I tend to hide out when things get difficult because the only person I have ever trusted to get the job done is myself. Others can’t always understand the importance of what is being asked or the task at hand.

Overall, there is uncertainty and things in daily life may not go as planned. I have faith in myself to work through it and adjust accordingly. Life will always be extra work compared to the average person, but that is what makes my life so much more interesting and amazing. I feel excited for the future and the uncertainty.

I am Going Public…..

I have been making my pregnancy more public. I told most of my co-workers by this point. My family knew pretty early. I hate keeping secrets especially positive ones.

The problem is I can’t express how excited and elated I am for this baby. Usually, my blood sugar is doing something funky, I’m worried about life, and my husband and I continually argue. I feel like crap a lot. Right now, I have a migraine, I barely slept the last two nights, and my right butt cheek is killing me. I have never been super girly and I am not sure what everyone is looking for when I express the news. All I can do is be myself.

Second Trimester Starts Saturday

I am finally starting to feel less like shit and more like myself again. The extreme fatigue I was experiencing subsided. I was having nausea in the late afternoon, but that has also stopped so far. My severe low blood sugars have changed. Now, I am starting to run between 150 and 200. I am increasing my insulin everyday with the assistance of my doctor. I asked her if the blod sugar increase is harming my baby. She responded the organs have formed already and the danger would be in having a larger child at birth. However, since we are working everyday to bring down the increased blood sugars and they haven’t been high over a long period of time, everything seems to be going smoothly. It is my understanding that the baby is growing more rapidly and requires more insulin. And so the second trimester begins…..

Random RANT

I hate when my friends post all there relationship business, problems, and complaints on Facebook. I have enough problems. I’m pregnant and diabetic. If I posted all my problems, complaints, etc., there wouldn’t be enough hours in the day.

Don’t worry I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Ugh! Just shut the fuck up already.

Telling the Bossman

I’m feeling nervous about telling my boss that I’m pregnant tomorrow. I’m 12 weeks and my belly is getting difficult to hide. Hopefuly, I don’t have a low blood sugar and spaz out in the process of telling him. I don’t even know how to bring up the topic. My plan is to just yell I’m pregnant and run back into my office. Lol! Wish me luck….I have no idea how this is going to go down. I need a better game plan.

It’s Better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On.

I feel lost. I can’t make sense of anything in my mind. I just want to sit in a corner and cry. My pregnancy is high risk, obviously. I feel so alone during this time. I try to put on the tough front as always. I feel like I am an inconvenience to my friends and family. I just want to hide.

I am having major problems with my husband. We have the same arguments over and over again. I don’t think he can be sensitive to my feelings. Plus, I am angry with him. I try to be honest but there are too many emotions behind it. He never wants to resolve the problem as a team. He just ignores it and hopes it will go away. I have all these emotions and concerns bubbling up to the surface with no outlet.

Overwhelmed at the Party

My parents had a nice party planned to celebrate birthdays, an engagement, and my pregnancy. There were about 15 people there. It was nice to see my family and enjoy everyone’s company.

Overall, I felt overwhelmed and stressed. I was bright red and sweating the whole time. At the beginning of the party, my blood sugar was 215; by the end of the party, I was 37. Generally, I am pretty tough I can manage this and still have fun. But, I found myself trying to escape the crowd. When I explain to people my blood sugar is low, they often continue on their conversation. Meanwhile, my mind is not processing information properly. They think a juicebox cures the low in 10 minutes. Well, my stomach delays in processing food, so it takes 45 minutes to an hour to come back from a low. The topic of conversation was planning my baby shower. I appreciate all that my family does for me and their enthusiasm doing it. However, I am on a strict eating schedule and have random unexplained blood sugar fluctuations. I don’t feel confident that I will enjoy my shower, and even be coherent for it. It is stressing me out. I don’t think I can handle being the center of attention in front of a large group of people. It is strange for me to say this because the regular me loves parties, especially parties in my honor. I am not sure what to do. The terrible part is I could really use the baby gifts. I wish I was independently wealthy.