I feel lost. I can’t make sense of anything in my mind. I just want to sit in a corner and cry. My pregnancy is high risk, obviously. I feel so alone during this time. I try to put on the tough front as always. I feel like I am an inconvenience to my friends and family. I just want to hide.
I am having major problems with my husband. We have the same arguments over and over again. I don’t think he can be sensitive to my feelings. Plus, I am angry with him. I try to be honest but there are too many emotions behind it. He never wants to resolve the problem as a team. He just ignores it and hopes it will go away. I have all these emotions and concerns bubbling up to the surface with no outlet.
My parents had a nice party planned to celebrate birthdays, an engagement, and my pregnancy. There were about 15 people there. It was nice to see my family and enjoy everyone’s company.
Overall, I felt overwhelmed and stressed. I was bright red and sweating the whole time. At the beginning of the party, my blood sugar was 215; by the end of the party, I was 37. Generally, I am pretty tough I can manage this and still have fun. But, I found myself trying to escape the crowd. When I explain to people my blood sugar is low, they often continue on their conversation. Meanwhile, my mind is not processing information properly. They think a juicebox cures the low in 10 minutes. Well, my stomach delays in processing food, so it takes 45 minutes to an hour to come back from a low. The topic of conversation was planning my baby shower. I appreciate all that my family does for me and their enthusiasm doing it. However, I am on a strict eating schedule and have random unexplained blood sugar fluctuations. I don’t feel confident that I will enjoy my shower, and even be coherent for it. It is stressing me out. I don’t think I can handle being the center of attention in front of a large group of people. It is strange for me to say this because the regular me loves parties, especially parties in my honor. I am not sure what to do. The terrible part is I could really use the baby gifts. I wish I was independently wealthy.
I must be hormonal! I did sleep through the night and did not have any lows last night. Meanwhile, I had the weirdest dream. My Mom and Dad are having a party this afternoon. In the dream, I am at the party with my whole family. I am way more pregnant than 10 weeks in the dream. I was drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Big Beers and crushing the cans on my big belly in the dream. I would never drink alcohol while pregnant. My baby has enough stress to deal with by having a Diabetic mother. The dream was just strange.
I’m so sick of this disease.
After 14 years of having Diabetes, I’m sick about testing, my parents telling me ‘just do it! It’s so easy!’, my endo getting angry at my bad hba1c and all the dumb comments from other people.
I just want to live, to see the world after finishing school - All I ever wished for was to travel with just a backpack and little money. But how could I ever do that with my diabetes? It’s one of my biggest dreams and my diabetes WILL take it (like almost everything) from me. I was bullied in middle-school, suffered mental breakdowns and cut myself. Everytime I read the confessions on this website I have to cry because this disease takes so much from us people - hopes, friends, dreams, etc. I never wanted to end my life - I have good friends now and soon I’m finishing school with good grades, but thinking about having diabetes for the rest of my life absolutely breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart reading the confessions from people thinking about how easy it is ending their lifes.
It breaks my heart to know there will never be a cure.
It breaks my heart how little healthy people acknowledge the seriousness of Diabetes.
I understand how you feel. I backpacked in Asia in college. I studied abroad in Japan which is a safe country. Then I took trips to Hong Kong, India, Singapore, and Macau. It’s do-able. I took a lot of risks, but I always had friends and snacks to help me along the way. Try your best. If I can figure it out, you definitely can.
I am a working woman with a professional career. I would like to add that I have never had help paying for things. Being a Diabetic, it has been very expensive. I’m not rich and I have never been comfortable financially. Meanwhile, I work in a professional environment and looking my best gives me extra confidence. I do not have thousands of dollars to go out and buy a new wardrobe for my changing body. Plus, maternity clothes are expensive and not flattering. I can’t go through every day in sweats or stretch pants. It is so unfair. I want feel amazing while I go through this pregnancy and I don’t want to spend a fortune on clothes I’ll never wear after I give birth. I may have to go naked to work in the next few weeks. Ahh! What do I do?
My blood sugar was 28 today. Now, it is on the rise. Too high to stay calm about. How did this happen? I survived. I am worried about my baby. It is currently the size of a grape. I feel like crap I can’t imagine what is going on inside of my belly. Please let us both survive with out major health issues or brain damage.
I am feeling aggravated for no reason. I try to remind myself that nothing in life is perfect.
I have had low blood sugar at least 6 times in the past 24 hours. I am feeling loopy. I am tired of feeling this way. You know….when you get super hungry during a low. Only I have to control the blood sugar flare after. High blood sugars can dramatically impact the health of my baby. Low blood sugars hurt me more than the baby unless I am unconscious or having a seizure. Overall, I just feel like pooh. On the bright side, at least I’m no longer constipated. Ahh the joys of diabetes and pregnancy! Hopefully, my second trimester gets easier.